Faqs

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Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?

A: In the city morgue.

Q: What's better than a dead lawyer lying in the road?

A: Two dead lawyers lying in the road!

Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a cement truck traveling at 60 mph?

A: Never enough.

Q:What's wrong with Lawyer jokes?

A: Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes

Q: What does a lawyer use for birth control?

A: His Personality.

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Q: What can a goose do, that a duck can’t, that a lawyer should?

A: Stick their bill up their ass.

Q: Why did the lawyer cross the road?

A: To sue the chicken on the other side

Q: Why don’t lawyers go to the beach?

A: Because the cats keep trying to bury them in the sand

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb

Q: How do you call a dead lawyer?

A:A good riddance.

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Q: How many lawyers can you place on the point of a needle?

A: Ten, if you make them stand on their heads.

Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?

A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.

Q: What happened to the banker who went to law school?

A: Now she's a loan shark.

Q: What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer:

A: All the information you need - but you can't understand a word of it.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

A: Senator

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Q: What do honest lawyers and UFO's have in common?

A: You always hear about them, but you never see them.

Q:How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

A: His lips are moving.

Q: What's the difference between baseball and the law?

A: In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.

Q: What's the difference between lawyers and vampires?

A: Vampires only suck blood at night.

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Q: Why should lawyers wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort?

A: Because they're used to doing all of their lying indoors.

Q: What's America's best chance to solve the trade deficit with Japan?

A: Japanese language lessons for lawyers.

Q: Why aren't lawyers allowed to go to the beach?
A: Because cats keep trying to bury them in the sand

Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.

Q: What’s the difference between lawyers and accountants?
A: At least accountants know they’re boring.

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Q: What word describes a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances?
A: Retired.

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
A: Another lawyer.

Q: What's the best thing to get a lawyer in the hospital?
A: A Nurse who believes in euthanasia

Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a lawyer?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline

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Q: What's the skinniest book every published?
A: Legal Ethics

Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.

Q: What do you throw a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
A: One is a scum sucking bottom dweller and the other is a fish

Q: If one useless man is called a disgrace, what are two useless men called?
A: A law firm.

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Q: What's the first thing you do after running over a lawyer?
A: Back up.

Q: What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
A: God doesn't think He's a lawyer.

Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: Seeing your lawyer drive off the cliff in your new Mercedes.

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Q.Why don't snakes bite attorneys?

A:Professional courtesy.

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Attila the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: Why did the lawyer cross the road?
A: He saw a car accident on the other side

Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.

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Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetary

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.