- Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property.
- The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother
- A man without money needs no more fear a crowd of lawyers than a crowd of pickpockets
- He must wait next day for the visits of the ‘shyster’ lawyers, a set of turkey-buzzards whose touch is pollution and whose breath is pestilence.
- Necessity knows no law; I know some attorneys of the same.
- We all know here that the law is the most powerful of schools for the imagination. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
- Lawyers are always more ready to get a man into troubles than out of them
- Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers
- Lawyer: 1. A person who takes this from that, with the result that That hath not where to lay his head. 2. An unnecessary evil. 3. The only man in whom ignorance of the law is not punished.
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Law students are trained in the case method, and to the lawyer everything in life looks like a case.
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The minute you read something and you can't understand it, you can be sure it was written by a lawyer. Then, if you give it to another lawyer to read and he don't know just what it means, then you can be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer. If its in a few words and is plain, and understandable only one way, it was written by a non-lawyer.
Will Rogers |
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Whoever tells the best story wins.
John Quincy Adams |
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Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called "inbreeding," from which comes idiot children and more lawyers.
Kip Lurie: Adam's Rib (1949) |
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Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer.
Will Rogers. |
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A man may as well open an oyster without a knife, as a lawyer's mouth without a fee.
Barton Holyday |
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A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.
Patrick Murray |
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
Ambrose Bierce |
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A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from you enemies and keeps it to himself.
Henry Bougham |
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After twenty-five years' observation, I can give it as the condensed history of most, if not all, good lawyers, that they lived well and died poor.
Daniel Webster |
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When dictators and tyrants seek to destroy the freedoms of men, their first target is the legal profession and through it the rule of law.
Leon Jaworski |
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Judge - A law student who marks his own examination papers.
H.L. Hencken |
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America is the paradise of lawyers.
David Brewer |
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The average lawyer is esentially a mechanic who works with a pen instead of a ball-peen hammer. Machinists' unions require an apprencticeship, not an advanced degree.
Bob Schmitt |
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The law school belongs in the modern university no more than a school of fencing or dancing.
Thorstein Veblen |
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Law is not a profession at all, but rather a business service station and repair ship.
Adlai Stevenson |
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Law school has been described as a place for the accumulation of learning. First-year students bring some in; third-year students take none away. Hence it accumulates.
Daniel White |
The practice of law in most courtrooms today is about as modern as performing surgery in a barbership.
Gordon Schaber |
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I never met a litigator who did not think that he was winning the case right up to the moment when the guillotine came down.
William Baxter |
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Do as adversaries do in law, strive mightily, but eat and drink as friends.
William Shakespeare |
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There are three sorts of lawyers - able, unable and lamentable.
Robert Smith Surtees |
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Lawyers earn a living by the sweat of browbeating others.
James Gibbons Haneker |
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Lawyer: An individual whose principal role is to protect his clients from others of his profession.
Anonymous |
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Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished.
Jermy Bentham |
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There is never a deed so foul that something couldn't be said for the guy: that's why there are lawyers.
Melvin Belli |
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He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
Charles Lamb |
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I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters.
John Keats |
Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge.
David Mellor |
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A man who never graduated from school might steal from a freight car. But a man who attends college and graduates as a lawyer might steal the whole railroad.
Theodore Roosevelt |
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One who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation.
Henry Louis Menchken |
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Those who use the law as shoemakers use leather; rubbing it, pressing it, and stretching it with their teeth, all to the end of making it fit their purposes.
Louis XII |
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A chimney sweeper who has no objection to dirty work, because it is his trade.
Charles Caleb Colton |
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Appeal: in law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
The Devil's Dictionary |
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There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law. No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
Jean Giradoux |
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A good lawyer is a great liar.
Edward Ward |
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It is hard to say whether the doctors of law or of divinity have made the greater advances in the lucrative business of mystery.
Samuel Goldwyn |
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Lawyers have been known to wrest from reluctant juries triumphant verdicts of acquittal for their clients, even when those clients, as often happens, were clearly and unmistakably innocent.
Oscar Wilde |
All in all I'd rather have been a judge than a miner. And what's more, being a miner, as soon as you are too old and tired and sick and stupid to do the job properly, you have to do. Well, the very opposite applies with judges.
Peter Cook |
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America has a legal system that is the laughing stock in the civilized world.
John Stossel |
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Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage.
Ambrose Bierce |
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I was never ruined but twice: once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I won one.
Voltaire |
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It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.
Jerome K. Jerome |
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Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.
Charles Lamb |
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What's the use of that, Wendell, a lawyer can't be a great man!
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., on his son's plans to attend law school |
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A lawyer is a man who helps you get what is coming to him.
Laurence J. Peter |
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They all laid their heads together like as many lawyers when they are gettin' ready to prove that a man's heirs ain't got any right to his property.
Mark Twain |
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There is never a deed so foul that something couldn't be said for the guy; that's why there are lawyers.
Melvin Belli |
Be frank and explicit with your lawyer. It is his business to confuse the issue afterwards.
Anonymous |
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The law is a sort of hocus-pocus science that smiles in your face while it picks your pocket.
H.L. Mencken |
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Where there are too many policemen, there is no liberty.
Where there are too many soldiers, there is no peace.
Where there are too many lawyers, there is no justice.
Lin Yutang, Chinese-American Philosopher |
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The number of lawyers employed by the Federal government has grown rapidly over the years and appears to be continuing to increase. Between 1954 and 1970, the number of self-employed lawyers in the U.S. increased by 19% while the number of lawyers in the Federal government increased by 108% and the number employed by state government increased by 167%.
Richard L. Abel |
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If there wasn't a penalty for laughing in court, the jury would never be able to hear the evidence.
Samuel Clemens |
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In Cincinnati, Common Pleas Judge Fred Cartolano complained from the bench "that there are too many lawyers, too many law schools and too many opportunities for dishonest behavior. There are only so many fleas that can feed on a dog," the judge said. "We have lawyers coming out of the woodwork. There's not enough business for all the lawyers out there." |
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Ignorance of the law excuses no man -- from practicing it.
Adison Mizner |
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A lawsuit is a fruit tree planted in a lawyer's garden.
Italian Proverb |
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Next to the confrontation between two highly honed batteries of lawyers, jungle warfare is a stately minuet.
Bill Veeck |
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Of course people are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers instead of their conscience be their guides.
Will Rogers |
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands.
Spanish Proverb |
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I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters.
John Keats |
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Lawyers are like beavers. They get in the mainstream and damn it up.
John Naisbitt |
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There are more lawyers in just Washington, D.C. than in all of Japan. They've got about as many lawyers as we have sumo-wrestlers.
Lee Iacocca |
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One who defends you at the risk of your pocketbook, reputation and life
Eugene E. Brussell |
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Everyone ought to take every opportunity to blast lawyers.
Marlin Fitzwater |
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If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.
Mark Twain |
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In almost every case, you have to read between the lies.
Angie Papadakis |
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A man who never graduated from school might steal from a freight car. But a man who attends college and graduates as a lawyer might steal the whole railroad.
Theodore Roosevelt |
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We have too many lawyers chasing too many dollars through too many lawsuits, and it is time to do something about it.
Caspar Weinberger |
When there is a rift in the lute, the business of the lawyer is to widen the rift and gather the loot.
Arthur G. Hayes |
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Litigation is the basic legal right which guarantess every corporation its decade in court.
David Porter |
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Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers.
Woody Allen |
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This is what has to be remebered about the law; beneath that cold, harsh, impersonal exterior beats a cold, harsh, impersonal heart.
David Frost |
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Only painters and lawyers can change white to black.
Japanese Proverb |
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I used to be a lawyer, but now I am a reformed character.
Woodrow Wilson |
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In the Halls of Justice, the only justice is in the halls.
Lenny Bruce |
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I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress.
John Adams, in the play "1776" |
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Law, being a tyrant, compels many things to be done contrary to nature.
Plato |
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Most lawyers who win a case advise their clients, "We have won," and when justice has frowned upon their cause ... "You have lost."
Louis Nizer |
The only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished.
Jeremy Bentham |
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I have spent all my life under a Communist regime, and I will tell you that a society without any objective legal scale is a terrible one indeed. But a society with no other scale but the legal one is not quite worthy of man either.
Alexander Solzhenitsyn, Russian Author |
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They all laid their heads together like as many lawyers when they are gettin' ready to prove that a man's heirs ain't got any right to his property.
Mark Twain |
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The law is above the law, you know.
Dorothy Salisbury Davis |
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In law, nothing is certain but the expense.
Samuel Butler |
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The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
Shakespeare, King Henry VI |
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